Research and Satan

   Many individuals believe that fewer people read newspapers because the quality of reporting is poor.  Also, it is sometimes stated that the quality of journalistic research is lacking.  With this in mind, you probably can understand how delighted I was to read an article in a local newspaper that decided to investigate Satan.  Legend stated that a person could have a conversation with Satan, in a local cemetary, if the person knew how to lure Satan to appear.  Now some of you may think that I am making this up, but this was a front page story in a local newspaper not too long ago. 

   I hate to cast aspersions on any news reporter, but the writer of the news article attempted to lure Satan by offering a bottle of beer.  I often wonder what future journalists are learning while studying for their jounalistic degrees.  Of course Satan would not appear for just a bottle of beer. Therefore, it became my public duty to conduct a thorough investiganion since I believe that both good and evil exist.

   I realized that Satan would be most tempted by money.  So I placed a fifty dollar bill on the ground and moved the correct distance as legend states.  As midnight approached,  I began to smell sulfur and noticed a faint red glow.  I looked down at my watch to see if it was midnight and my watch showed that it was.

   When I looked up, I was shocked beyond belief.  Standing before me were five U.S. Senators and six U.S. Representatives.  They moved toward me with very evil smiles on their faces.  Together they said: ” We are your friends.  Which of us will receive that 50 dollar bill?”  I replied: ” Let the individual who has a pure heart and who will work for the good of the American People claim that bill.”

   I then heard a horrible shrieking noise that was too terrible to describe, and a blinding white light appeared.  When I opened my eyes from the blinding light, the Congressmen were gone.  The air smelled sweet again and the moonlight seemed soft and gentle.  Peace had returned, so I took my $50 and went home.

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