Men Contemplating Marriage

   More than several decades have passed since my wife and I got married.  While my wife deserves a lot of credit for keeping me as her “big cuddly bear,” I feel compelled to advise some of the younger gentleman who read this website in search of wisdom and advice. 

   If you are a man in your 20’s or 30’s and you are contemplating marriage my best advice is: DON’T DO IT.  Just kidding.  That was a joke.

   So, if you are a man contemplating marriage, here is how it works in one short lesson.  Shortly after marriage each partner brings a lot of “stuff” to an apartment or house.  In my case, I brought six bookcases fully loaded with books.  Unfortunately, only two bookcases would fit into my den.  So I placed the other four bookcases in the living room and thought that this gave the room a charming and quaint look. 

    After a few months of marriage, my wife explained to me that the bookcases in the living room did not really fit in with the decor.  Since I was such a cute “cuddly bear,”  wouldn’t I remove just one bookcase?  I did.  Now here is the part that you men need to understand. 

    Without going into great detail,  I now have only one bookcase in my den.  There are no other bookcases in the house.  When a man and a woman marry, the man is frequently under the illusion that the house belongs to both the man and the woman.  This is not true.  Over time, all women move their husbands into the husband’s den,  and then the wife takes over the rest of the house and spends a massive amount of money on all types of funny decorations.  

   Recently I noticed that the bookcase in my den was at maximum capacity.  Knowing that an appeal to my wife for another bookcase would be foolish, I boxed up some books and donated them to the library. 

   As I looked at the few remaining books, I noticed that about ten were written by Isaac Asimov.  Dr. Isaac Asimov was a biochemist and a prolific author of both non fiction and science fiction.  Much of my understanding of natural science came from reading Dr. Asimov’s books on science.  It turns out that Dr. Asimov wrote 506 books.  I know that I read at least 400 of his books.  I often wondered how Dr. Asimov could write so many excellent books.  I feel certain that the good doctor was confined to his den where he wrote many great books while his wife redecorated the rest of the house.

                                    R. Van Conoley

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4 Responses to Men Contemplating Marriage

  1. This is just classic Van. Love it. I would rec you write more in this genre because you have the dry wit to pull it off. The same things happened to me when I had a girl move in. She threw out all my Tupperware. Actually it was my collection of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” margarine tubs. Then we had to put sheets on the mattress. Sheesh. She also insisted on curtains and I had to remove perfectly good aluminum foil from the windows. Then in her frivolous need for “things” she determined that a hot plate was insufficient and I had to spend good money(with which I could have bought vodka) on a stove. When she used my razor to shave her legs, well that was it. Here’s a bus ticket back to Philly sweetie and if your phone doesn’t ring you’ll know it was me.

    • R. Van Conoley says:

      I greatly appreciate your kind and extremely truthful words. Some men will not tolerate a woman who uses their razor. Some men will allow a woman to use the razor to shave her legs. And then there are men who will allow a women to use their razor to shave both her legs and other regions. Possibly this could warrent more analysis.

  2. At the bottom of this page there should be two boxes. Once say “Notify me of new posts’
    the other says “notify me of new comments” Now you can be notified email every time author puts up a new post and everytime someone comments on any of his posts. There is also a “subscribe” place to do this too. Usually when you subscribe that auther checks you out as will many of his commenters who see your comment on his post. This is a way to begin spreading/building a tree. I usually have 60 hits a day with at least 10 leaving a comment.

  3. see bottom of my post to check these comments then you no longer have to look up “if” any action you’ll be notified.

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