Suggestions To the Royal Family

   His Royal Highness, Prince William, soon plans to marry.  From many Americans, the reaction is: ” Who cares?”

   Well I certainly do.  As an American of English,  Irish, Welsh, and Scottish ancestry, I have had to go through my entire life as a commoner.  My family is so common that my great-grandfather on my mother’s side was a dirt farmer from Western Georgia.  He and his wife produced 10 sons and each of his sons not only attended college, but each earned a doctorate degree in some field.  The remarkable thing was that there was not a Duke, Earl, or Viscount in our family tree to pass along Noble genes.  On my father’s side, my grandfather was a railroad worker.  This very common man made certain that his son and daughter both attended college and indeed they did.  They did quite well in life considering that we lack Nobility on this side of the family also.

   So, I would like to make a few observations and suggestions to the Royal Family of Britain.  I suggest that some kind individual approach Prince William and say: ”  Your Royal Highness,  it is common knowledge throughout the world that there is not a male member of the British Royal Family that has the I.Q. of a tree frog.” 

   I believe that it was Andrew Marvell who said: ” Men are generally more concerned with the breed of their dogs and horses than of their children.”  I believe this to be the case with the Royal Family.  Also, if we take a look at the Royal Family Tree, we notice that the first King was known as William the Bastard.   Now I ask you, how smart do you have to be to see that William was not the sharpest knife in the drawer?  He should have had the intelligence to at least change his name to William the Good or William the Great or even William the King. 

   As we move down the Royal Family Tree, we come to King Henry VIII.  Now this guy seemed to like cutting off his wives heads.  So, I ask you, would a lady with an above average I.Q.  risk marrying Henry VIII?  No way.  So Henry was left with those ladies who were obviously not too keen of wit.  Now add to these facts that the Royal Family of today is the product of selective inbreeding.  No wonder that the Royal Family males of today do not have an I.Q. comparable to that of  a tree frog.

   The question that needs to be asked is: ” Why do the British have a Royal Family?”  The answer is quite obvious;  the Royal Family exists so the British People and the British Tabloids can make fun of the members of the Royal Family.  I personally think that the British should be ashamed of themselves for making the Royal Family the butt of so many jokes.  Just the jokes about Prince Charles’ ears could fill at least two  large books. 

   In order to help the Royal Family, I suggest that Prince William cancel his wedding to Kay Middleton.  Ms. Middleton is indeed a very lovely young lady, but we need selective breeding with radically different genes.  Also, members of the Royal Family in the past have wed to bring power and prestige to the throne.  Now is indeed the time for such bold action.  With the British Pound Sterling sinking on so many world financial markets, Prince William should marry with the objective of improving the gene pool and also attempt to improve the power and wealth of the throne. 

   Therefore, my next suggestion is that Prince William should seek a wife from an empire on the rise that has a strong financial position in the world.  Surely it should be clear to all that the Prince should select a wife from the rising empire of the 21st. Century, China.  Yes, Prince William should select his wife from the new Chinese Empire that is now the second largest and most powerful economy in the world. 

    I can just imagine what the President of China might say to this news.   I believe that he might say: ”  Chu shin san do qua su chi da sa?” This means : ” Prince William’s father is the guy with the big ears, right?”

     Now that I have shown the Royal Family how important it is to improve the Royal gene pool and also to connect with a really powerful country like China,  I believe that it is important to assist Prince William in the selection of a wife.  With a population of 1.3 Billion people,  we can not just expect the Prince to fly over to China and start hitting on women without being properly introduced.  So my final suggestion is to start a reality TV show titled:  The Prince in search of a Princess.  Donald Trump could host this show which could be broadcast worldwide from the Capital of China.  It would be a ten week run, and once each week, the Prince could meet five Chinese women who would like to apply for the job of Princess.  I would suggest that all contestants have at least one doctorate degree and have fluency in at least four languages, including English.  The People of the world could help the Prince select a Princess by voting electronically just like we do in America.  Surely this is a sound idea whose time has come.

                             R. Van Conoley

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2 Responses to Suggestions To the Royal Family

  1. I call them “nations that live in the shadows of the past”. Greece, Rome, Persia. You get it, right? Now post WW II England has joined the ranks. The British Empire? I think it now is composed of three little island somewhere and several gin distilleries. So what’s left? Soccer and tree frogs. Today’s Burger King rules the world. Tea, anyone?

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