Airport Security

   In order to protect Americans from terrorism,  the Department of Homeland Security now routinely uses one of two methods to detect bombs, explosives, weapons, or other devices that could be employed by a terrorist.

   Method One – ( Pat Down Search ) This method requires the flight passenger to submit to a body search.  The federal agent places his or her hands on the body of the passenger and feels for contraband.  This method is objectionable to some people because they do not like to endure this type of search.

   Method Two – ( The Scan ) Using 21st. Century high technology, the passenger is electronically scanned.  His or her body image is then transmitted to a screen in a remote location for viewing.  This method is objectionable to some because the passenger’s entire body is viewed beneath their clothes in very great detail.

   Sometimes unexpected complications arise whenever a new technology is employed.  The following transcripts were provided to me by Joseph Waterleak from the National Security Agency.  I see no reason not to use your real name since you are now in jail.  Good luck at your trial.

   NSA Transcript 247-B-08667; Airport # 243;  6 November 2010;  2:42 p.m.;  Check-in location – R-46; 

Passenger = Richard Duram;  code =RD;   TSA Agent = Norman Marks; code =NM

NM: Your ticket please sir.

RD: Here it is.

NM: Your destination is Atlanta.  Is that correct?

RD: Yes

NM: If you have no objection, you will be next in line for the scanner.  It will take about 90 seconds.


NM: Please stand in the marked spots and raise your hands like this. Please remain in that position.


NM: Thank you Mr. Duram. You are cleared to board at gate G-7.  Boarding will begin in about ten minutes. 

   NSA Transcript 247- B- 08668 – Airport # 243; 6 November 2010;  2:44 p.m.; Body scanning control room; Location B – 48

TSA Agent = Patricia Edlin = code = PE; TSA Agent= Kassandra Lawrence= code= KL

PE: Oh. My God.

KL: Patricia, I have asked you not to use God’s name that way.

PE: Kassie. Take a look at screen 3.

KL: Jesus. I mean oh my!

PE: I have never seen anything like that before.  Have you?

KL: No.  I have heard that men’s bodies vary in proportion, but that is just unbelievable.

PE: Call Carol at Gate G-7 and tell her to delay boarding for a few minutes. 

   NSA Transcript 247- B-08669;  Airport # 243;  6 November 2010;  2:52 p.m. ;  Boarding Gate 7= Location BG-7

TSA Agent =Patricia Edlin = code= PE;  Passenger=Richard Duram; code= RD

Patricia Edlin enters the boarding area for Gate G-7.  She locates passenger Richard Duram and walks over and hugs him.

PE: Maurice Turner! It is so good to see you again.

RD: No madam.  You have mistaken me for someone else.  My name is Richard Duram. 

PE: Oh! I am so very sorry.  You look exactly like a high school friend.  They say everybody has a double somewhere.

RD: No harm done.  I’ll be boarding for Atlanta in a few minutes.

PE: Really?  What business are you in Mr. Duram?

RD: Used car parts.  I work for a company that sells used car parts to third world countries.

PE: That sounds so very interesting.  I assume that you will be returning through this airport sometime?

RD: Absolutely.  I travel through here several times each month.

PE: Let me give you my private cell phone number.  Next time you travel through this airport, you can give me a call and we can have coffee or something else.

RD: Well thanks.  Here is my business card with my cell phone number. 

PE: Thanks. You can see your plane through that window.

RD: From here it really looks huge.

PE: Well, you know that old saying: “Bigger is better.”  Call me soon. Bye.

                                 R. Van Conoley

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