Inferno is Italian for Hell. The Inferno is the first part of Dante Alighieri’s 14th. Century epic poem, THE DIVINE COMEDY. Inferno is followed by Purgatorio and Paradiso. The poem is basically a story telling of the journey of Dante through Hell. Dante is given a tour by the Roman poet Virgil. In the Inferno, Hell is depicted by nine circles of suffering.
With the recent termination of Osama bin Laden, a new and updated version is needed since Osama bin Laden is certainly in Hell. Even Hell must undergo some modifications to accommodate evil.
The setting is in the inner circle of Hell. Lucifer, also known as Beelzebub and the Prince of Darkness, is sitting on his Throne reading the latest stories about the U.S. Congress. Suddenly Osama bin Laden crashes down within yards of the Prince of Darkness.
Lucifer: Welcome to Hell Osama bin Laden. You will not find any virgins for your pleasure here.
Osama: Do you realize who you are talking to? I am a great Martyr that…
A bolt of lightening shoots from Lucifer’s hand and strikes Osama bin Laden who begins to scream in horrible pain.
Lucifer: You will address me respectfully as Your Lord. Do you understand? Do you need an additional lesson?
Osama: No my Lord.
Lucifer: Excellent! You are a fast learner Osama. I have many things planned for you. After going through my eight step program, I will send you back to earth to spread the power of evil. Now is an excellent time to meet your six new friends.
Osama: New friends, my Lord?
Lucifer: Of course. You did not think that you would be here all by yourself? I am today sending all six of your friends back to earth to spread evil. You may sit at my right side while I issue directions and introduce you to your new friends.
Osama: Thank you my Lord.
Lucifer: Let me introduce you to Adolf Hitler. ( Hitler appears and kneels before Lucifer.) Adolf, I am sending you back to earth for a month to spread hatred toward Jews throughout Western Europe. Concentrate your skills on those who profess to be Christians and do not fail your Lord. ( Begone. Hitler disappears. )
Osama: That sounds like an easy assignment my Lord.
Lucifer: Let me now introduce you to Joseph Stalin. ( Stalin appears and kneels before Lucifer. ) Joseph, I want you to encourage Vlad Putin to declare himself as King of all Russia and also encourage him to kill more journalists. ( Begone. Stalin disappears.)
Osama: My Lord, your assignments seem way too easy.
Lucifer: Let me now introduce you to Mao Zedong. ( Mao appears and kneels before Lucifer.) Mao, I am sending you to earth to remind the Chinese People that the Japanese are their enemies. ( Begone. Mao disappears. )
Osama: My Lord, you do possess the skills of evil.
Lucifer: Let me now introduce you to Menachem Begin. ( Begin appears and kneels before Lucifer.) Menachem, I am sending you to earth for six weeks, and I command you to direct the Jews of Israel to hate and kill more Arabs. Also, remind the Jews of Israel to demand more American tax dollars from the U.S. ( Begone. Begin disappears. )
Osama: My Lord, I have had many experiences with Jews. I am humbled to learn that Menachem and I are now on the same side and will work together as friends.
Lucifer: Let me now introduce you to Yasser Arafat. ( Arafat appears and kneels before Lucifer.) Yasser, I am sending you back to the earth for three weeks to encourage all Arabs to kill more Jews. ( Begone. Arafat disappears.)
Osama: My Lord, I am extremely impressed. I eagerly await my sixth new friend and wonder whom it could be.
Lucifer: Let me now introduce you to Pope John Paul, II. ( John Paul appears and kneels before Lucifer.) John Paul, I am sending you back to earth on an important mission. I want you to tell the Pope not to change a thing in the Roman Catholic Church. Tell the Pope to keep the Vatican bank operating and keep laundering all of that ill gotton money. Also, I command you to tell the Pope to continue to cover up for the pedophile Priests. Just do not tell him that we will be here waiting for him at his hour of death. ( Begone. John Paul disappears.)
R. Van Conoley