David Rauschenberger and The Beacon Defended. A Snake Takes a Political Position.

   I live in Western Volusia County and read the BEACON newspaper.  I also publish this website.

   On my website, I recently criticized Rush Limbaugh for stating on his radio show that a law student was a “slut and a prostitute” because she wanted her health care plan to pay for contraception expenses.  In the March 12, 2012, edition of the BEACON, columnist David Rauschenberger stated that people should not criticize Rush. 

    For many years, I have found Rauschenberger’s columns to be banal, trite, simplistic, uninformative, and devoid of any real information.  However, I will defend Mr. Rauschenberger’s right to echo a rather simplistic sound bite summary of the latest right wing spin and deception. 

   I am not writing to criticize either the BEACON nor their rather boring right wing columnist.  I am writing to inform the citizens of Volusia County and the world of an astounding miracle.

   I am a herpetologist who has studied reptiles for over 50 years.  Presently I have a pet snake named Roberta and she is a member of the boa constrictor family and her species can only be found on the island of Madagascar. 

   I line Roberta’s cage with copies of the BEACON newspaper.  About four years ago, I noticed that Roberta would always defecate on Mr. Rauschberger’s picture.  At first, I thought nothing was unusual.  Yet with unfailing accuracy, Roberta always defecates on Mr. Rauschberger’s picture. 

   I have frequently read about animals that could predict events by their actions.  It is my amazing good luck to have the only known snake in the entire world that is a literary critic.  I consider it nothing short of a miracle and I hope to sell this amazing story to several of the supermarket tabloids.  Think about it.

                                        R. Van Conoley

This entry was posted in Local and Political News, Satire and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply