Sanityandsense.com is deeply honored to publish an editorial opinion on this site by Jonathan Swift. The opinions are those of Jonathan Swift and do not necessarily reflect those of Sanityandsense.com.
The American People, like the British and the Irish, love their carnivorous pets. Yet, with the serious economic situation worldwide, dog and cat lovers are forced to spend billions of dollars each year to feed their dogs and cats the protein rich food that they need.
Should we continue to deplete our world of horses, whales, and cows just to keep our dogs and cats supplied with a protein rich diet? I believe that we can reduce our dependence on horses, whales, and cows and still provide our carnivorous pets with a tasty protein rich meal daily.
Now that the U.S. Congress has passed legislation known as ” The Lord’s Resistance Army Disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act,” I foresee many new possibilities. This wonderful legislation, sent to congress by Barack Obama, will allow the U.S. to wage war in Central Africa for decades. Clearly you blokes wish to secure that mineral rich region and exploit and export the vast mineral wealth found therein. It is a good idea to get there before the Chinese do. However, I digress.
As America wages a ground war in Central Africa with all of your high tech weapons, just think about all the dead bodies that will be available. Also, since Africa is poor in many areas, millions of people die there each year from starvation and disease. Add these two factors and American forces could probably collect two-thousand dead bodies each and every day.
Therefore, I modestly suggest that after the U.S. military builds field hospitals and other support infrastructure, the American Government should construct a large canning facility. This canning facility should grind up the dead bodies of our enemies along with the bodies collected from starvation and disease and add some vegetable fillers and some water. This will allow the U.S. Government to produce a protein rich pet food that can be canned and sold to people who need a tasty treat for their dogs and cats.
Additionally, I suggest that you place your CIA in charge of this operation since they have shown a skill for bringing into America many ” Unique ” products to fund their secret operations. In these difficult times, we must maintain a high standard of living for our cats and dogs at a reasonable price.