Handle Yo Bitches

   Raymell ” Ray ” Rice was an NFL player whose contract was terminated by the Ravens on September 8, 2014.  Rice was arrested and indicted for third-degree aggravated assault on March 27, 2014, relating to an incident where he punched his then fiancee, now wife, in the face.  The punch was so forceful that his fiancee, now wife, was knocked unconscious. 

   The NFL and the Ravens took stronger actions against Rice after a video of this tragic assault was released into the public domain.  Sanityandsense.com has received a National Security Agency audio intercept of Ray Rice speaking to a group of high school football players at a ” Football Clinic ” for future NFL hopefuls.  This is NSA Intercept N-078462-NV-37. 

   ” Good afternoon.  I am Ray Rice and I am the final speaker at today’s clinic for future NFL players.  This morning, you heard a discussion of defensive football strategy.  This afternoon you heard a discussion of offensive football strategy. Well, I be the final speaker and they saved the best till last. But let me tell you, if you to make it in the NFL, you gots a lot more to know than football strategy. 

   ” One of the things that you gets when signing with the NFL is a boatload of money.  I talking real big money here.  All that money allow you to meet many womens. Sho some be attracted to your money, but yo gots a lot to go around. 

   ” Now if you be a real man like me, you can handle a lot of womens.  I want to be clear here that I am talking about all the pussy you can handle.  I want a show of hands how many of you had some pussy in the last six months.  All right, now a show of hands of all of you who have had some pussy in the past year. 

   ”  You in the green shirt in the back, you be the only mans that did not raise his hand.  That mean to me that you some kind of faggot. You probably not like womens.  You go on and get out of here boy ! Ray don’t like to talk to faggots !

    ( Sound of door opening and closing. ) 

   ” Now that we got only real men here now, I want to talk in more depth about pussy.  I call it pussy, but some of you call it nookie, cunt, twat, or puntang.  It mean the same thing. 

   ” Now each of you can have at least one woman in Philadelphia, Miami, Los Angeles, Detroit, Cincinnati, and even Kansas City.  But with that many womens, yo got to know how to keep yo bitches in line.  You not careful, these bitches will try to take over and keep you from seeing other bitches. 

   ” So now I am going to show you a short video where I let my fiancee know that I am the man !  Roll the tape Chuck.  ( Pause of 40 seconds. ) Now you saw in that video that you just watched that my fiancee and I be on an elevator.  You notice how she stepped up and got in my face.  You notice that I don’t argue.  I just laid a solid right hook on her head and she was out cold !

   ” All right.  Now that you knows how to handle yo bitches, I will respond to some of your questions that you placed on cards.  The first card asks about NFL players who have been arrested. 

   ” It turns out that a whole lot of NFL players have been arrested.  It was just my bad luck to be on a video.  Here are some of the players arrested and most are still playing because the NFL more important than the law.  They is: 1) Shonn Greene, 2) John Boyette, 3) Joseph Randle, 4) Tom Johnson, 5) Derrick Shelby, 6) Jonathan Dwyer, 7) Spencer Ware, 8) Ray McDonald, 9) Quincy Enunwa, and 10) Le’Von Bell.  They be a whole bunch more, but I want to talk about a guy named Michael Vick.  Vick was in the NFL and was a great quarterback.  He got arrested for illegal interstate dog fighting.  The feds found him guitly and sent him to jail.  He back playing for the NFL now. 

   ” That is all the time I got available.  I have to catch a jet to the Middle East.  I have been selected as ” Man of The Year ” by ISIS. ”

        Written by Jonathan Swift

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