WELCOME TO THE PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE ::
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and an inner voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it does not matter what number you press. No one will answer.
If you are a psychopath, you have dialed the wrong number.
R. Van Conoley